Be Careful With Who You Let Coach Your Kids

Coach Mike Candrea, retired head coach for Arizona and 2004 USA Olympic coach (GOAT), spoke during the 2026 NFCA conference. He spoke multiple times but the last session he had didn’t even have a powerpoint. He said he just wanted to speak from the heart this time. He said something along the lines of, “The game is hard. They’re so strong physically but mentally they’re hurting. They need someone to advocate for them.” 

I cried. 

You mean to tell me that there are college coaches that CARE?! That truly care about the well being of their players and not just about winning?!

My college experience was short lived and it was a rough journey. My coach physically abused me, degraded me, and more. Our team went through an NCAA investigation because of him. I was pulled into a room to share my story. My teammates and I had to walk to class with each other “just in case.” I was 6 hours away from home as an 18 year old. I thought what was going on was normal. My love for softball disappeared. I tried to play again when I returned home but just didn’t have it in me anymore. I refuse to ever let that happen to any of my girls. 

Candrea then said, “I’d rather lose with the right people than win with the wrong people.” 

And that’s what I want all of you reading this to understand. 

There are some evil people out there that our kids should never have to deal with. There are a lot of people involved in this game for the wrong reasons. 

***Do not get a tough coach confused with a true asshole. I’m not talking about a coach that makes your team run a lot or who yells at you when you act like a fool. Just because your coach yells at you does not mean they are a bad coach.  I’m talking about the ones that are an all around terrible person*

All of the time, I see people put their kids on a team with very questionable coaches. People tend to not say anything when the team is winning. 

“Yeah sure the atmosphere is as toxic as can be but HEY we win all of the time so who cares!” 

Or 

“The coach is not a good person but this is the only team that my daughter made.”

Neither one is acceptable. 

If you have a coach that has gotten thrown out of multiple games, LEAVE.

If your coach gossips and talks bad about other teams, players, parents, etc. LEAVE. 

If they tear the girls down every game with minimal praise, LEAVE. 

If they put their hands on someone, LEAVE. 

If they don’t have any respect for umpires, parents, authority, etc. LEAVE. 

The list goes on. 

This is not me encouraging people to just quit when things get tough. That’s a different story. 

I want you to remove your child from a team when things are this way because they’re picking up on those behaviors of the coach. When people are quiet, they assume that those behaviors are okay. The girls are losing confidence and beginning to hate the sport and maybe even themselves. It’s not worth it. There is no amount of wins, rings, or titles that make that environment worth it. 

I don’t care how great that coach was when they played back in their time. If they aren’t a good person, goodbye. 

If they don’t have good morals, peace out. 

Nobody likes a bully. 

A good coach is someone that motivates the players, even if it’s with a little tough love. They truly love the game and treat the girls like their own kid. They’ll rip their player’s butt and follow up with how much they believe in them. They lose sleep trying to figure out how to get through to that kid that’s acting out and racking their brain to find ways to boost their confidence. They have good character and values. They don’t let their emotions speak. They think and then speak.

“Yes you have the right to your opinion, but you can either speak life or you can speak death” exclaimed Rick Fremin at the NFCA conference (he is a phenomenal speaker by the way).  “Everyone wants love and acceptance.”

He’s absolutely right and why would we want anything less for our kids?

These coaches are shaping your kids into who they are. Don’t be dumb and let someone with a giant ego hurt your kid. Learn the difference between someone who truly cares and someone who might just be manipulative. Not many people honor the game anymore. 

If the coach isn’t speaking life into your child, run and don’t look back.